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Stop Competing and be a TEAM!

Ladies, our job is to make our man look good! Stop competing with him. The more he shines, the more you look like a winner.

The cold world that we live in is constantly working against him. Don't add yourself to the list!

You may ask yourself, "how am I competing?" Each time you try to take control over a situation. Each time you fight for power over decision making. As women, by nature we are nurturers. We serve and cater. We tend to abandon this trait with our significant other and challenge him by denying support. At which point, we stop complimenting how well they resolve a problem. Instead, we compare results.

Yes, of course there are times that we have winning arguments and carry great points. However, we must learn how to be patient and allow our man to make decisions. Give him affirmations and encouraging words.

We also compete by bringing up past experiences. Let's say that at the start of your relationship, you were making more money or had better credit than him. As the relationship evolves, he gets it together and his income increases along with his credit. Instead of congratulating and encouraging him, you remind him of everything you've done for him to reach this accomplishment. Ladies, that is ego! Wanting to excel is not necessarily about trait. However, it does not help your relationship when using it against him.

I realized that there will be times we must accept the role that we are suppose to play in the season that we are in. Trust me, this was a huge struggle for me. This may be the season for you to play the role of a stay-at-home mom and be the nurturer your children need. It may be the season to be the administrator and good steward to the vision both of you agreed on. Or be the professional and career driven multitasker and breadwinner. Everything comes at its time and its due season. Embrace it! Appreciate the changes of the seasons. Each change prepares you and him for the next step in your life as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.

What our men do not need is for us to envy the progress they have made. It’s quite natural to feel a little envious of their success as long as there is no jealousy or ill-will towards them. Re-evaluate your core values. Make a list of all the things that are most important to you in your relationship and make sure your actions are a reflection of those beliefs.

On your list, ask yourself the following questions:

What fears do I have as a woman?

What makes me feel insignificant?

What role do I like to play during this season?

Am I well equipped to handle this position?

How am I supporting my man?

What affirmations am I using?

Would I consider my home to be an emotionally safe place?

The man in your life should never feel inadequate. Granted, he should have a level of self-confidence of his own. Ask yourself, "How do you contribute to his confidence? " Men seek affirmation. Be the place where your man knows he will receive affirmations. If not, he will find a place that will! If you give your man the confidence that he needs to achieve his goals, he will be confident that he can achieve them too. You should be your man’s safety net. The one place he can completely let down his guard and be himself. A place where weaknesses and faults are welcome and not judged.

The first thing you should do to create this environment is to be completely accepting of his weaknesses. With your affirmations, encouragement and support, he will become the man that God intended him to be for you. Not the man you want him to be.

Here are some of the ways you can make your man look good while offering support:

1. Talk positively about him and to him. No one is perfect.

2. Be his helpmate. Trust that your purpose aligns with the vision both of you are working towards. Remember ONE vision, different positions.

3. Allow him to lead. He vowed to be your covering. Allow him to be what he promised. How can he be an affective leader and head of the household if you do not trust his leadership? Relax.

Everything will work out.

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